[There's another pause before she takes her hand back to shove her hands in her huge pockets.]
You're not the only one who hates feeling like you can't make a difference. It's worse when someone you care about keeps talking about how they might be in trouble, but they don't want your help anyways.
It's not that I don't want your help - it's more like.... I want you to be safe, more than I want your help.
I can't stop you from doing what you want, but I... You know I'd be crazy mad if something happened to you, and it was because I had a bad idea I didn't think through.
[From the way he’s holding her, he can’t see the look on her face as he says that - the way her face pinches together in response to those words, words she’s never heard before. Slowly, her arms come up to wrap around his neck. Her voice, when it comes out, is frail.]
...I couldn’t help him, you know? He needed so much help, and nobody saw it, and now he’s... I don’t want to feel like that anymore.
[Senri is probably the only person who will know who he is. This is what it comes down to, where all the fear and sorrow stem from. She rubs at her eyes with a hand.]
I know it’s not the same. I know you’ll probably be fine.
[ . . . the struggles of family are ones that senri will never entirely understand. for so long he only thought about what it must be like to enjoy the warmth and comfort of unconditional love but - in this moment, with zoe in his arms as scared as she is, he wonders if he made it out to be far too simple.]
.... but even if you know, that doesn't change how it feels, right.
[and he'll continue to hold her, for as long as she might need it. he wonders if these words are the right one, if they're what she needs to hear - and if he'll say them the right way in the first place.
it takes him a little while to muster up the courage.
to work without a script.]
I know that you've heard this from other people but... it wasn't your fault, Zo. It wasn't.
[She shakes her head (he's right, in that it doesn't change how it feels) before dropping it onto his shoulder after a few more seconds. Because of that, her next words are muffled, and clearly teary.]
I haven't heard it from anyone else.
[Not her parents. Not Evan. Maybe it's because of the circumstances, even more stressful here than they were back home, but she hasn't confessed this to anyone but him. As such...]
[It's another joke with a watery delivery; she laughs slightly as she leans away from him. She does have tear tracks running down her face, but it doesn't look like she's still crying.]
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You're not the only one who hates feeling like you can't make a difference. It's worse when someone you care about keeps talking about how they might be in trouble, but they don't want your help anyways.
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It's not that I don't want your help - it's more like.... I want you to be safe, more than I want your help.
I can't stop you from doing what you want, but I... You know I'd be crazy mad if something happened to you, and it was because I had a bad idea I didn't think through.
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[A beat.]
Sorry, maybe I’m just... It doesn’t really matter.
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Everything you think and say and feel matters - even the thoughts that aren't as cool, or as pretty.
I want to know it all, so please don't apologize, for trying to share something with me.
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...I couldn’t help him, you know? He needed so much help, and nobody saw it, and now he’s... I don’t want to feel like that anymore.
[Senri is probably the only person who will know who he is. This is what it comes down to, where all the fear and sorrow stem from. She rubs at her eyes with a hand.]
I know it’s not the same. I know you’ll probably be fine.
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.... but even if you know, that doesn't change how it feels, right.
[and he'll continue to hold her, for as long as she might need it. he wonders if these words are the right one, if they're what she needs to hear - and if he'll say them the right way in the first place.
it takes him a little while to muster up the courage.
to work without a script.]
I know that you've heard this from other people but... it wasn't your fault, Zo. It wasn't.
I know you're always doing the best that you can.
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I haven't heard it from anyone else.
[Not her parents. Not Evan. Maybe it's because of the circumstances, even more stressful here than they were back home, but she hasn't confessed this to anyone but him. As such...]
Thank you. Thank you, I... Seriously.
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so this is what it feels like, to say the right thing, to someone who needed to hear it.
senri rubs her back at that, letting a soft sigh escape him.]
... you don't need to thank me for being here for you, Zo.
It's a given. I... You can cry, if you want to. I won't tell anyone.
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After a few moments, though, in a thick voice that's trying for a joke:]
You're going to regret that part about not caring whether it's pretty when you see how my face looks.
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at that, he responds without hesitation:]
You always look like a daydream, Zo. Even when you're wearing the worst jacket in the universe.
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[It's another joke with a watery delivery; she laughs slightly as she leans away from him. She does have tear tracks running down her face, but it doesn't look like she's still crying.]
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Other girls my age are more like my fans, you know?
[but he will bring up a hand to try to wipe away some of those tear tracks with his thumb]
Did that help?
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[She doesn't move away as he runs his thumb over her cheeks, taking a deep breath instead.]
...Yeah. Thanks.