... I understand. You don't have to explain yourself.
[Does he? Well.]
Perhaps it would help if you could pinpoint the moment you started to become uncertain about your original wish. Ask yourself what changed, and why did it change?
[You know, the thing he's currently neglecting to do himself.]
...I thought this place would be a lot less complicated when I came here.
[That sentiment might seem sudden, but she’s leading up to an answer.]
But it is. That means that there are people I had to start counting on, people who I trust... And really care about. When this is all over, I don’t want to just all go back home and never see each other again.
[A slow start, like he's having difficulty properly articulating what he wants to say.]
The "right" choice and the choice that makes you the happiest are one and the same. You're the one participating in this competition. You owe your wish to no one but yourself.
[But, somehow, it’s different coming from him. Knowing how much more difficult it must be for him to say things like this than it might be for other people... There might not be much to smile about here, but she tries to manage it.]
[He sounds genuine about this, though a little lost.]
Something similar occurred while I was assigned to Lieutenant Anderson. At first, he was only the human I was assigned to. But, once I began to learn more about him... I thought, given a little more time, we could have become great friends.
[They could have. They didn't. Now, though—]
I've had the same thoughts about you. [...] Perhaps I've been compromised for far longer than I initially believed.
[The look on her face as she takes all that in is relieved and happy all at once... But more than that, it's proud. The smile she lost in her surprise is filling in again; something about hearing him finally say that makes her chest feel full.]
Compromised is a pretty harsh word for knowing what it's like to care about someone, you know.
I wasn't meant to know, Zoe. Saying I'm only "compromised" is a kindness.
[He could, you know, say he's defective. Malfunctioning. Broken. There are plenty of objectives to pick from, given that he's still uncomfortable with his growing system instability. He's accepted that he cares for her, but...]
[The look on her face is fond, warm - it's not hard to tell how much hearing that matters to her.]
Well... Then, we'll just have to make sure that's a really long time. I know I'm not going to forget you, even when all of this has been over for ages.
... I'm sorry, it may not be for a very long time. [He sounds a little regretful about this, but otherwise accepting of it.] But... I'll remember you for however long that may be, as well. You have my word.
[Whatever she was about to say hangs in the air as she cuts off, realizing exactly what he's getting at. It's not that she hasn't realized that things are dangerous for him; he's talked about how he's worried about being destroyed if he's ever deemed not functional.
Still, she can't say she ever really realized what he's implying here.]
But - even if they had to make a new body for you or whatever, they'd still upload all of your memories, right? Isn't that important for someone they designed to do detective work?
[It might be a blessing that he looked away, if only for the way her expression continues to fill with horror.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...My brother. And it's not that I... I mean, of course I still want him back.
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[Does he? Well.]
Perhaps it would help if you could pinpoint the moment you started to become uncertain about your original wish. Ask yourself what changed, and why did it change?
[You know, the thing he's currently neglecting to do himself.]
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[That sentiment might seem sudden, but she’s leading up to an answer.]
But it is. That means that there are people I had to start counting on, people who I trust... And really care about. When this is all over, I don’t want to just all go back home and never see each other again.
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Everyone keeps telling me I’ll make the right choice, but I... What if I don’t?
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[A slow start, like he's having difficulty properly articulating what he wants to say.]
The "right" choice and the choice that makes you the happiest are one and the same. You're the one participating in this competition. You owe your wish to no one but yourself.
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[It at least sounds like she's realizing something, like she hadn't considered it in those terms before.]
But how do I know what's going to make me happy before I do it?
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I don't have an answer for you.
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Yeah. It's not your job to... It's fine.
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[i hate every single zoe tag in my inbox goddamn it eli]
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[But, somehow, it’s different coming from him. Knowing how much more difficult it must be for him to say things like this than it might be for other people... There might not be much to smile about here, but she tries to manage it.]
But... You’re a really good friend, Connor.
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[He's been burnt before, after all.]
It's... important to me that we're friends.
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Is that part of your programming, too?
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No. It isn't.
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That knocks the small smile off her face, replaced by surprise; she glances up at him, not sure quite what to feel.]
Well... Good. [But, also:] Where do you think it came from, then?
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[He sounds genuine about this, though a little lost.]
Something similar occurred while I was assigned to Lieutenant Anderson. At first, he was only the human I was assigned to. But, once I began to learn more about him... I thought, given a little more time, we could have become great friends.
[They could have. They didn't. Now, though—]
I've had the same thoughts about you. [...] Perhaps I've been compromised for far longer than I initially believed.
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Compromised is a pretty harsh word for knowing what it's like to care about someone, you know.
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[He could, you know, say he's defective. Malfunctioning. Broken. There are plenty of objectives to pick from, given that he's still uncomfortable with his growing system instability. He's accepted that he cares for her, but...]
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Do you regret it, then?
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... No, I don't think I do. [...] I'm glad to have met you. Both of you. That won't change for as long as my memories remain intact.
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Well... Then, we'll just have to make sure that's a really long time. I know I'm not going to forget you, even when all of this has been over for ages.
now perish
TURN ON YOUR LOCATION
What do you mean?
:')
Do you recall what I told you before? About my predecessor being destroyed?
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[Whatever she was about to say hangs in the air as she cuts off, realizing exactly what he's getting at. It's not that she hasn't realized that things are dangerous for him; he's talked about how he's worried about being destroyed if he's ever deemed not functional.
Still, she can't say she ever really realized what he's implying here.]
But - even if they had to make a new body for you or whatever, they'd still upload all of your memories, right? Isn't that important for someone they designed to do detective work?
[It might be a blessing that he looked away, if only for the way her expression continues to fill with horror.]
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I HATE YOU SO MUCH
you love me, also, cw suicide
britt voice: closes eyes