pc catchall for senri (usogi)

[requiemed]

[ ]

Comments

[usogi]

[he looks away at that, and huffs a laugh]

.... yeah, but I'd be super mad at you, if it was something you did for me.

[requiemed]

...Do you realize just how frustrating you can be sometimes?

[She tries to make it sound flippant, at least.]

I don't think you get that you're... [...] Never mind.

[usogi]

That's I'm....?

[he doesn't follow but also]

... I'm sorry, Zo.

But I'll be way happier if I know that you're not going to get in trouble for my stupid choices.

[requiemed]

Stop it, okay?

[She closes her eyes for a moment before opening them, trying to stop her voice from rising.]

You're not stupid. And - you don't have to be sorry. So just... [A pause, and then she focuses on something else.] I was going to say, I don't think that you get that you're important to me, too.

[usogi]

[senri looks mildly confused at that]

Of course I do...

We're friends, aren't we?

[requiemed]

[There's a multitude of different ways she nearly responds to that, but:]

I don't want you to be sorry, okay?

[usogi]

... okay. Then... I won't be sorry.

Just trust me.

[requiemed]

[It's not hard to see she's upset about something, both from that outburst and from the look on her face, but she tries to push it down.]

Of course I do.

[usogi]

[ . . . ]

Okay.

.... and you know you can talk to me too, right? If... there's something more I can do.

[requiemed]

[There's a pause before she speaks.]

Just keep in mind that there are going to be people who worry about you... And that's not a bad thing, because it means they care about you.

[She stands up.]

I should probably go.

[usogi]

[he reaches out to catch her hand]

Zo -

..... thank you, and I know. I'm not... used to having people worry about me, or concern themselves with what happens to me so...

I'm still learning.

But... thanks.

[requiemed]

[From the way she looks back towards him as he takes her hand, surprised and a touch vulnerable, it's not a gesture she was expecting. It moves her into silence for a moment, before:]

...That's not what I'm upset about, you know.

[usogi]

[ . . . ]

I'll give you space, if that's what you want.

But if you want to tell me, I'll listen too.

[requiemed]

[There's another pause before she takes her hand back to shove her hands in her huge pockets.]

You're not the only one who hates feeling like you can't make a difference. It's worse when someone you care about keeps talking about how they might be in trouble, but they don't want your help anyways.

[usogi]

[ . . . ]

It's not that I don't want your help - it's more like.... I want you to be safe, more than I want your help.

I can't stop you from doing what you want, but I... You know I'd be crazy mad if something happened to you, and it was because I had a bad idea I didn't think through.

[requiemed]

...Right.

[A beat.]

Sorry, maybe I’m just... It doesn’t really matter.

[usogi]

... can I give you a hug, and then tell you something that I think is reeeaaaally important?

[requiemed]

[After a moment, she nods, opening her arms.]

[usogi]

[and senri will stand, walking up to her and pulling her in close for a hug]

Everything you think and say and feel matters - even the thoughts that aren't as cool, or as pretty.

I want to know it all, so please don't apologize, for trying to share something with me.

[requiemed]

[From the way he’s holding her, he can’t see the look on her face as he says that - the way her face pinches together in response to those words, words she’s never heard before. Slowly, her arms come up to wrap around his neck. Her voice, when it comes out, is frail.]

...I couldn’t help him, you know? He needed so much help, and nobody saw it, and now he’s... I don’t want to feel like that anymore.

[Senri is probably the only person who will know who he is. This is what it comes down to, where all the fear and sorrow stem from. She rubs at her eyes with a hand.]

I know it’s not the same. I know you’ll probably be fine.

[usogi]

[ . . . the struggles of family are ones that senri will never entirely understand. for so long he only thought about what it must be like to enjoy the warmth and comfort of unconditional love but - in this moment, with zoe in his arms as scared as she is, he wonders if he made it out to be far too simple.]

.... but even if you know, that doesn't change how it feels, right.

[and he'll continue to hold her, for as long as she might need it. he wonders if these words are the right one, if they're what she needs to hear - and if he'll say them the right way in the first place.

it takes him a little while to muster up the courage.

to work without a script.]

I know that you've heard this from other people but... it wasn't your fault, Zo. It wasn't.

I know you're always doing the best that you can.

[requiemed]

[She shakes her head (he's right, in that it doesn't change how it feels) before dropping it onto his shoulder after a few more seconds. Because of that, her next words are muffled, and clearly teary.]

I haven't heard it from anyone else.

[Not her parents. Not Evan. Maybe it's because of the circumstances, even more stressful here than they were back home, but she hasn't confessed this to anyone but him. As such...]

Thank you. Thank you, I... Seriously.

[usogi]

[ah.

so this is what it feels like, to say the right thing, to someone who needed to hear it.

senri rubs her back at that, letting a soft sigh escape him.]

... you don't need to thank me for being here for you, Zo.

It's a given. I... You can cry, if you want to. I won't tell anyone.

[requiemed]

[Her hold tightens slightly, and... From his grip on her, he might be able to tell that she's shaking slightly.

After a few moments, though, in a thick voice that's trying for a joke:]

You're going to regret that part about not caring whether it's pretty when you see how my face looks.

[usogi]

[he holds her close even as she trembles, moving his hand to stroke through her hair at the same time.

at that, he responds without hesitation:]

You always look like a daydream, Zo. Even when you're wearing the worst jacket in the universe.