I'm trying not to, [ he actually chuckles. He's beyond exhaustion. ] Like I said. Ray-san had a few choice things to say about it, too. Not blaming myself.
[ Wry, he gestures. ] I've only ever seen what Majima-san did in old yakuza movies. I don't know if I would have believed anyone did that kind of thing in real life until it ... happened.
I guess ... after hours of watching Majima-san and everyone around him struggle ... to hear Newt was responsible not just for Mutiny, but he was the "actor" we'd been looking for? Realizing that he was content letting innocent people die in his place, while he kept killing?
[ His jaw works. ]
He killed Mizuno-san. She was scared, Zoe. She was scared to die. She told me over and over she'd fight to keep living.
And Newt lied to our faces with a smile.
[ Yu ducks his head, lowering the ice. It takes him an extended moment to get control of his temper again, though he's never anything except quiet. ]
I was already pretty tired. Learning that about Newt was just ...
[ He'd spent hours fighting Majima and Sasuke on and off, was burnt out and bruised even before The Reveal. And then, the bombshell.
[After a few moments, during which she tightens her grip she has on her opposite arms, crossed over her chest:]
I'm tired of everyone telling me it's naive to expect people to stop fucking killing each other. I agreed to come here because I thought - even if it's allowed, nobody would do it, right?
[She doesn't quite respond to that, even though she hears it and agrees; instead, her response is more general as she draws her legs up towards her chest and plants her face onto her knees.]
It's been... a really hard two months. That's all.
[The cut off for that is long before they arrived here.]
[Honestly, it's the lack of questions that relaxes her slightly. She's so used to people who don't know her at all acting as though she should be open with them just because of what's happened. It's that and the memory of something he said weeks ago.
No one should have to go through the pain of—]
I miss him.
[Her voice is barely above a whisper, incredibly strained.]
This whole game, he's been coping with being unable to even speak about his loss, unable to make the words come out even when he wanted to. Dragging out that kind of pain may not even be a thing you're physically capable of.
So how could he ask it of her? That day, they recognized their agony in each other. For him, that was enough. If she wanted to tell him, she would.
And now that she finally is...
Yu will sit forward, so that he can loop his arm around her shoulders. He hugs him to her loosely, letting his chin hang, staring without seeing at the ground. ]
[For him and for her, she means. For everyone here in some way, but as much as everything here has stung, not having the promise that someone will come back at the end of six weeks... It's a different kind of hurt entirely, she thinks.
She rubs at her eyes hurriedly, but she sniffs despite that, leaning against him slightly. Her arms are still wrapped tightly around herself as she blinks a few times.]
[She's leaned into him, but now she lets her head tilt sideways onto his shoulder, bringing an arm up to rub at her face. She isn't making eye contact - it feels raw and vulnerable enough to discuss this when she isn't looking at him. She's not certain if she could continue if she were.]
Whoever it is... You deserve - you really deserve to see them again.
If there's anything I can do to help, I - I know how hard it is.
[She's heard those words a thousand times by now - let me know if I can help. You can count on me. I'm there for you. She's hoping they sound less empty from someone who's experienced something similar.
When he asks that, though, it's almost like she sinks into herself. Her voice grows tighter when she speaks.]
I don't know what I want. I thought I did. When I came here, it was because I wanted him back. And - it's not like I don't still want that. Of course I do. I just...
[ Yu only lets her talk. He knows she knows. This is their shared pain, their shared reason. Death. He wonders idly how many other people are here for the same reason: to save someone they love.
He'd wager it isn't just the two of them.
Carefully, he'll only squeeze her shoulder when she trails off. He doesn't speak; the motion itself is a prompt, if she wants to continue. ]
[There's a pause as she tries to hold herself together, but - it doesn't quite work. She's talked to people about this before, but not anyone who she truly thought would understand the weight of it.
Even as she swallows and blinks to try and stop herself, it's almost like she's cracking apart. Her words are thick with tears; her face is a little bit of a mess, suddenly.]
What if, what if I bring him back and he h-hates me for it?
[ Yu breathes out. He doesn't gather her into his arms, exactly; but he pulls her a little closer, and he'll press his face into her hair, every hiccup of her tears stabbing at his heart.
This wonderful person shouldn't have to suffer like this, he thinks. ]
Zoe.
[ His voice feels rough in his throat.
What do you say to this? To this kind of loss? His friends died. But taking your own life...
Yu is quiet again for a long moment just holding her close, resting his cheek on her hair and staring at the water. ]
[If there's a hesitation before she answers his question, it's only because she's trying to force her voice to sound normal again. It doesn't work by any stretch of the imagination. She stares down at the ground, hard, sorrow and fear and anger all writhing around in her chest.]
[ God. He can't help it. He lets a breath go, winded like she just punched him right in the chest.
He doesn't say anything right away. He just, god, he hugs her tighter and wishes the world were fair. ]
... I guess the first thing I would say is that you'd be doing what you did to help. To set things right. And there's nothing wrong with that. The second is...
[ A pause. ]
I actually have a suggestion, but I'm not sure if that's the kind of thing you want to hear right now.
[She rubs a few tear tracks off her cheeks, sniffing, before she just nods. There isn't any verbal agreement, she doesn't trust her voice, but it's clear from her expression that she wants him to go on.]
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...Hopelessly Devoted.
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I was trying to get him to stop fighting. I didn't think...
[ ... ]
Ray-san took me to task for this already, [ he murmurs, flat, but there's the faintest hint of something fond in his tired voice. ]
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...You're not beating yourself up for that, are you? You were doing what you thought was right. You were trying to help.
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[ Wry, he gestures. ] I've only ever seen what Majima-san did in old yakuza movies. I don't know if I would have believed anyone did that kind of thing in real life until it ... happened.
[ ... more soberly: ]
I hope he's getting his hand looked at.
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[Ray seems like the kind of person who would, at least. She exhales.]
I hope so, too. But, is that why you...?
[You know, assaulted a man. It's fine.]
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[ He knows. Yu's quiet for a long moment. ]
I guess ... after hours of watching Majima-san and everyone around him struggle ... to hear Newt was responsible not just for Mutiny, but he was the "actor" we'd been looking for? Realizing that he was content letting innocent people die in his place, while he kept killing?
[ His jaw works. ]
He killed Mizuno-san. She was scared, Zoe. She was scared to die. She told me over and over she'd fight to keep living.
And Newt lied to our faces with a smile.
[ Yu ducks his head, lowering the ice. It takes him an extended moment to get control of his temper again, though he's never anything except quiet. ]
I was already pretty tired. Learning that about Newt was just ...
[ He'd spent hours fighting Majima and Sasuke on and off, was burnt out and bruised even before The Reveal. And then, the bombshell.
All in all, it was...
too much. ]
I wish I hadn't. [ this part is much quieter. ]
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I don't blame you at all. What he did is... awful.
[And there's a deep anger in her voice as well, even if it doesn't match the heights that Yu's has risen to today.]
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... talk to me, Zoe.
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I'm tired of everyone telling me it's naive to expect people to stop fucking killing each other. I agreed to come here because I thought - even if it's allowed, nobody would do it, right?
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You'd think. [ dry. ] Or they might at least have some doubts about it. Shouldn't it be natural to want to avoid it?
[ But they went hard from week one and have not stopped since. It's been a nonstop horror show. ]
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It's been... a really hard two months. That's all.
[The cut off for that is long before they arrived here.]
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But after a moment, she'll feel his hand on her shoulder, warm and gentle. There. Not insistent, not asking questions; just ... there. ]
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No one should have to go through the pain of—]
I miss him.
[Her voice is barely above a whisper, incredibly strained.]
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This whole game, he's been coping with being unable to even speak about his loss, unable to make the words come out even when he wanted to. Dragging out that kind of pain may not even be a thing you're physically capable of.
So how could he ask it of her? That day, they recognized their agony in each other. For him, that was enough. If she wanted to tell him, she would.
And now that she finally is...
Yu will sit forward, so that he can loop his arm around her shoulders. He hugs him to her loosely, letting his chin hang, staring without seeing at the ground. ]
Yeah. I miss them, too.
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[For him and for her, she means. For everyone here in some way, but as much as everything here has stung, not having the promise that someone will come back at the end of six weeks... It's a different kind of hurt entirely, she thinks.
She rubs at her eyes hurriedly, but she sniffs despite that, leaning against him slightly. Her arms are still wrapped tightly around herself as she blinks a few times.]
You just want them back, right?
[Her, too.]
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Because he understands that, too: not knowing how to uncurl.
Hushed: ]
More than anything.
[ It goes without saying: ]
It's why I'm here. To save them.
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Whoever it is... You deserve - you really deserve to see them again.
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[ the force of his emotion hushes his voice, and he's staring out over the water, intense and unseeing. ]
No matter what.
[ ... ]
You don't need to tell me what it is you want. [ much more softly. ] But whatever it is, you know I'll listen.
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[She's heard those words a thousand times by now - let me know if I can help. You can count on me. I'm there for you. She's hoping they sound less empty from someone who's experienced something similar.
When he asks that, though, it's almost like she sinks into herself. Her voice grows tighter when she speaks.]
I don't know what I want. I thought I did. When I came here, it was because I wanted him back. And - it's not like I don't still want that. Of course I do. I just...
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He'd wager it isn't just the two of them.
Carefully, he'll only squeeze her shoulder when she trails off. He doesn't speak; the motion itself is a prompt, if she wants to continue. ]
cw suicide, just in case
[There's a pause as she tries to hold herself together, but - it doesn't quite work. She's talked to people about this before, but not anyone who she truly thought would understand the weight of it.
Even as she swallows and blinks to try and stop herself, it's almost like she's cracking apart. Her words are thick with tears; her face is a little bit of a mess, suddenly.]
What if, what if I bring him back and he h-hates me for it?
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This wonderful person shouldn't have to suffer like this, he thinks. ]
Zoe.
[ His voice feels rough in his throat.
What do you say to this? To this kind of loss? His friends died. But taking your own life...
Yu is quiet again for a long moment just holding her close, resting his cheek on her hair and staring at the water. ]
Can I ask who he is?
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My... My brother.
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He doesn't say anything right away. He just, god, he hugs her tighter and wishes the world were fair. ]
... I guess the first thing I would say is that you'd be doing what you did to help. To set things right. And there's nothing wrong with that. The second is...
[ A pause. ]
I actually have a suggestion, but I'm not sure if that's the kind of thing you want to hear right now.
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can't believe i have to shove you into this furnace.
i crawl out of the furnace and embrace you, setting us both ablaze